Jesus, Identity, and Shakespeare

So it is time for my sporadic, quarter-monthly blog post. (Kidding, I really am going to try to keep up with this better)

Identity is something I've struggled with for a long time, and I feel like our generation/world wrestles with. What do we allow to define us? Our success? Our social status? Popularity, ability, credibility? These are just a few of the thousand pieces of driftwood that we cling to while trying to keep afloat in this world. However, do these really keep our heads above water? Or do they just drag us deeper into the miry, swirling, dark depths, where we still left asking ourselves...

Who am I?

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It's funny how things you've read/seen a long time ago get stored away in the long-forgotten pages of journals and the dark recesses of your mind, but always find their way back into the light when they're most needed.

I was flipping through the pages of my journal, reading back over past entries when I found this quote:

"[Calin], doff thy name,
And for that name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself."

Now, as some may realize, this quote is from the famous balcony scene in William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet (minus the "[Calin]"). After just meeting at a costume party earlier in the night, Romeo climbs over the Capulets' wall, sneaks into their backyard, finds Juliet, and both proceed to profess their undying love for another only after a few short hours of knowing one another (I've taken the liberty to paraphrase a bit).

However, as Donald Miller points out in Searching for God Knows What, these lines are more than just the plea of a madly-in-love teenager.

This is the call of Christ.

Miller writes, "In exchange for what Scripture calls repentance, by renouncing our natures, by admitting our own brokenness, we may take all of Christ, identifying ourselves with His righteousness."

Christ calls us to leave behind our names and take on His. He calls us to let go of our pieces of driftwood and cling to Him. He tells us:

[Insert your name], throw off your name. The name that identifies as one who will never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, funny enough. The name that tells you will never be loved; that you will end up alone; that you will never figure out life's plan; that you will ultimately fail as a husband, wife, mother, or father. The name that tells you that you do not deserve love; that you do not deserve grace; that you do not deserve mercy or compassion. Cast off that name.

And instead of taking on that name, that identity, which is not a part of you,

Take on the name of Christ. The name that accepts you unconditionally; the name that loves you constantly; the name that brings you into communion with the Father; the name that calls you the righteous sons and daughters of God. Yes, you are a broken, messed up person, but my love and grace covers that. Come to me.

This is what Christ calls us to do. We have to let go of our pieces of driftwood, driftwood that is broken and rotten. It will only keep us floating aimlessly in search of who we are. We have to let go and cling to Christ.

This is who God tells us who we are:
You are my son/daughter, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.

Jobs and Sports

So, after what seems to be my 100th futile attempt to find a job, I realized that I couldn't be happier that I don't have a summer job. For the past 2 months, I've applied to all the major retail locations, warehouses, etc. in the greater Charlotte Metro area (ok, so that may be a slight exaggeration), and I always received the response that "we're looking for someone more long-term that just the summer." Though frustrating to hear, it's a very understandable and sound business reason to not hire someone. Needless to say, the job hunt was becoming pretty frustrated.

However, because I don't have a summer job, I've been able to invest time into other outlets. I've been reading more (I'm currently reading 3 books, and about to start two more), playing more music, exercising, and helping out at my church with the worship band and the high school/middle school youth. Honestly, the summer so far has been really fulfilling so far. But I was still looking for a job the entire time. Which brings me to today. Today it seemed that I had a fairly good chance of getting a job at a local t-shirt warehouse/wholesale distributor. I spoke with a manager earlier in the day, and he told me that he would talk with another manager and see what they could do, and wanted me to swing by later on in the afternoon. As I left the warehouse, I found myself thinking, "Honestly, I'm not sure if I want this job." I started weighing the pros and cons of having the job. And in my mind, the cons were outweighing the pros. And then, the song "Gone" on Switchfoot's album "The Beautiful Letdown" came on, a simple lyric summed it up for me. Jon Foreman simply sang, "Life is more than money." And that one lyric solidified how I felt. This summer I'm doing something that is far more valuable than earning spending cash. I'm investing in relationships, (hopefully) impacting those younger than me, worshiping God, and resting in Him. So, luckily, when I went back to talk to the manager at the warehouse, he said that he was sorry but they couldn't do anything to help me out. And I was perfectly fine with it.

On a sidenote, the sports world has been crazily awesome this summer. The "Tar Heel Trio" (for those who don't know, Ty Lawson, Danny Green, and Wayne Ellington) returning to Chapel Hill. Rocco the "everyday man" vs. Tiger the "biggest force to play golf" going at it in the U.S. Open and Rocco almost pulling it out. The NBA Finals with the Celtics and Lakers (every game has been good so far, no joke). Paul Pierce's MVP performance and his Willis Reed-esque return in Game 1. The College World Series. The UEFA Cup Final between Manchester United and Chelsea going to penalty kicks. Euro 2008 and those crazy Dutch owning the pitch. Yeah, it's been good so far.

Currently Listening To-
Track- The Beautiful Letdown
Artist- Switchfoot
Album- "The Beautiful Letdown"

Currently Reading:
Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
The Power and the Glory by Graham Greene
How People Grow by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

It's Been Way Too Long...

So, after some gentle prodding from a few individuals (thanks, Slater), I've decided to make a concerted effort to return to blogging (I never really "quit", I just let it get swept away with the rest of life). And I'm going to attempt to post a blog at least once a week, amidst the job hunting, music playing, people seeing, book reading, Scrubs watching, Final Fantasy VII playing summer I have ahead of me.

A Discussion on Worship
Over the past few months, possibly even over the past year, I feel that my knowledge and view of worship has been expanded tenfold. I used to only think of worship as the act of us singing songs and playing instruments on Sunday mornings and (in college) Thursday nights for twenty to thirty minutes. Even predating that, I used to only think that worship was songs written by Chris Tomlin, David Crowder, Charlie Hall, and I had even "broadened my horizons" to Australia with Hillsong United. And of course your standard hymns.

However, God revealed a huge truth: while all of the prior things mentioned are a part of worship, they do not make the whole.

To begin with, lets start with musical worship. Maybe its second nature, maybe its the American exceptionalism that influences our culture, but for the longest time, I assumed that God was only worshiped in English. I just pictured people in Kenya, China, Eastern Europe, and millions of other people around the world singing praise and worship songs in English. However, this is definitely not the case. Multi-cultural worship is a clear picture of what Heaven will be.

Revelation 7:9-10 (NIV)
After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, every nation, tribe, people, and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:

"Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb."


This is a picture of Heaven that John portrays in the book of Revelation. He says that there was "a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people, and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb." The worship in Heaven will not be pertained to Chris Tomlin and David Crowder, or the old hymns. It will include praise and worship songs in Mandarin, Swahili, the languages of Native American tribes, and thousands of languages that none of us can count the total number. We will all be there, singing the praises of God in our own tongues. The worship of God is not contained to one style or language, but encompasses all.

Now onto worship itself. At a retreat I went on earlier this summer (Rockbridge for all those who know it), I was provided a simple definition of worship. Worship is the act of ascribing worth to an object, person, idea, etc. When we are worshiping God, we are ascribing worth to Him. However, we do this with some many other aspects of our culture. Money, sports, celebrities, you name it, and you can think of at least one or two people (including myself and yourself) that ascribe worth to it. This new perspective on worship really helped solidify a lesson I was learning: Worship is a lifestyle. It is not contained by songs on Sunday mornings or Thursday nights, but it is a daily part of life.

Go read Genesis 22:1-19 and you will see what I mean. To give a short synopsis of what happens, God commands Abraham to go to the region of Moriah with his only son Issac ( I repeat only son), climb a mountain, and then offer his son Issac as a burnt offering. Let me repeat: Take only son --> climb mountain --> bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. No joke people, I promise you I'm not making this up.

Anyway, as Abraham, his son, and his posse of servants near the mountains, Abraham stopped and looked up at them. I could only imagine what was running through his head. The craziness of the situation, whether or not he was going to go through with it, memories of teaching his son Issac how to survive, nights of telling Issac stories when Issac was younger. After staring off at the mountains, Abraham tells his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you." (Genesis 22:5)

"We will worship". Abraham didn't have an acoustic guitar and a songbook for him and Issac to go "Holy is the Lord" or "Reign in Me" on the mountaintop. No, he had a knife, some wood, and a fire. But here's the crazy thing: Abraham meant what he said. He wasn't telling his servants "we will worship" as a way to cover up what he was about to do, or possibly try to make himself feel better. His sacrifice of his only son was an act of worshiping God. He was saying to God, his son, and himself that "Look, I ascribe more worth to God than my son, or my role as a father". Abraham identified himself in God above all else. Not in himself, not in his son, not in his role as a father. If he did, I'm going to assume that he would have never started climbing that mountain in the first place (I know I wouldn't). Worship is how we live our lives. Worship is in our words, our actions, and our songs.

Currently Reading- Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
How People Grow by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Wow! A New Post!

So, I feel like for those of you who actually read my blog, I'm sorry. I haven't posted in about a month. I'm going to try to post on more of a regular basis from now on, but if I start slacking, call me out on it. Please.

(On with the post...)
So I believe one of my most exciting classes this semester is Intro to Fiction Writing (ENGL 130). For those who even have a slightest interest/joy in writing, take this class. It'll make you a better writer, and how many times do you get to write fiction for a class? (Plus, there's no midterm or final exam.) Anyway, I thought I would use the blog to share some of the works in progress I have for class (short stories and assignments, etc.) This post is the first of these sorts.

Some Background Info: The assignment for class was to write one scene, just one. So I wrote a scene for a possible short story called "Requiem" that I may use later on in class. I've set up the story to take place from multiple points of view, so this scene is just one point of view.

P.S. The feelings expressed by the character are not actually felt by me, no worries. Just me being "creative".

Hope you all enjoy, and any feedback is welcome.

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Light filters in through the stained glass, the blues and reds clashing with the black dresses and coats we’re all wearing. Dust spins and falls on everyone and everything. It’s quiet except for the occasional foot shuffle or cough. The light winds under and around the seats, fighting its way through the crowds of legs, feet, and purses. I’m up front. Mom’s to my left, with Mama to her left. Dad’s in front of me. Lying in his casket. Mom and Mama pull out handkerchiefs, dabbing their eyes and wiping away their tears. My eyes stay down, too afraid to show their clearness. I look at the wood floors, studying the grain, wondering what kind and how old it is. Maybe mahogany. Or oak. I follow the grain up to where Dad is at. He looks calm, cool, relaxed. He’s wearing one of his favorite suits, this navy number with subtle gray pinstripes that he picked up on a business trip to New York. He always wanted me to go into business, to “follow in his footsteps”, “keep up the family name”. When I majored in business at school, he was happy. Told me that it was one of the few “smart decisions” I’ve made. I always hated business.

He was only in his mid 50s when it happened. I got a phone call from Mom late one night, telling me that Dad had had a heart attack after dinner and that I needed to get home as quick as possible. She was crying pretty hard. Hate to say it, but we all knew it was coming. None of us said it out loud, but we all knew. Grandpa died of one; his Dad died of one. So we all knew it was coming. I’ll probably die of one too. Just “following in the footsteps”.

The organ begins to play “The Wind Beneath My Wings” as we slowly move towards the casket. Mama and Mom are in front of me, paying their last respects. They both take their time, whispering their last goodbyes and their last “I love you”s. I unpin the rose from the lapel that all the pall-bearers had to wear. I twirl it between my fingers, feeling the cool stiffness of the plastic stem. I run my finger over the petals, the plastic making them too rigid to separate. I lift up the rose to my nose; there’s no scent.

Now it’s just me and Dad. I look down at his face, his salt-and-pepper hair and moustache neatly trimmed like always. He looks at peace, he looks happy. I search to say something to him, but nothing comes to mind. I stand there, rolling the rose in my hand as we both stare lifelessly back at one another. Finally, I drop the rose onto the casket and lean down to where only me and him could hear:

“Dad, I never loved you.”

Currently Reading- To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Currently Listening To:
Song- "O, For a Thousand Tongues Can Sing"

Artist- David Crowder Band

Album- "Remedy"

Ringing In the New Year

So, 2007 is officially gone. Fin. Done. Game Over. It was an interesting year, to say the least. A year full of difficult times, jokes where I laughed myself to tears, hard decisions, growth, transitions, the start of new wonderful relationships and friendships, the close of other friendships and relationships, and a lot of change in myself and the people around me. I feel like 2007 was a growth period from me in all aspects. Spiritually, I feel more matured. I now have somewhat of an idea what my life may look like for the next few years. My life has been invested into by some amazing people, and I'm also investing into the lives of other amazing individuals. I've learned more about who I am as a man of God, what my strengths are, as well as what my weaknesses are. Maybe it's just something I've noticed, but I hope my growth is noticeable to others as well.

To all those who made this past year memorable, I want to say thank you. Goss, M Bare, Kevin, Noah, Joe, Whitney, Erin, Rebekah, Chase, Natalie, Alex M, AK, Kelsey, Courtney C, Courtney G, Emiwee, PJ, Deese, Josh W, Chase, D-Bowes, Nathan, Nate, Lindsey O, Mattt, Kemp, John F., Sam, Eric, MAB II, Lori, Rebecca, Wyatt, Robert, Anthony, Kendall, Chad, Jacob, Dan, Q, Vans, EVB, Adam, Josh, Mom, Dad, Chad, Johnny D, Maroon, Carmen, Blake, Will, Nick aka "Pops", Professor Kaufman, Kathryn, Mlot, Graham, Michael, Alex C, Cassidy, Murph, Max, Vogler, Roy, Phil, both Andy Ds, Rachel, T-Hans, Christine, Alex T, Leila, Katie, Sarah H. Thank you, thank you all.

(If I left you off the list, I'm sorry, there's a lot of people, these are just the first names that come to mind)

As for 2008, I'm ready for the new year to come and bring what it has to offer. The fun times, the difficult nights, an ridiculous trip with three awesome guys, the heartbreaks, the romances, the discoveries and rediscoveries, the evolution of current relationships and the beginnings of new ones.

Bring it, I'm ready.

I hope everyone has a happy new year and that God blesses you innumerably.

Currently Listening To:
Track- The Strongest Flame

Artist- Papertongues

Currently Reading:
Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller